Detachment

I know the theory about detachment but sometimes it is so hard to practise it. This morning I drove down a ramp to enter the supermarket and found a car blocking my entry point. Who does that?

I didn't have an easy way of backing out, particularly after another car drove down the ramp behind me. Fortunately someone walked by so I could ask them if they knew whose car it was, and the owner soon emerged and moved his car. But the feeling of frustration stayed.

Whenever someone does something that doesn't seem quite right, I remind myself that sometimes I can do similar things. However it’s hard to apply this rationale today because there is no way that I would ever block an entry point to a public car park.

Hence the need to detach. The easiest way to do this is to mentally step back and observe my own reaction. Feeling frustrated doesn't really help me because I move into a negative place. Acknowledging the frustration and also that the other driver might have had an emergency or other valid reason for blocking the entry point makes it easier to let go of the incident and reach a place of calm. Ah, now I am detached and free.

The Concept of Karma

I see an innocent person charged with an offence and feel disturbed. This isn't fair. How can such things happen?

Unfortunately some people do bad things and get away with it while innocent people might end up carrying the blame.

I often fall back on the concept of karma as a way of rationalising what happens around me. Perhaps the innocent person's soul agreed to come into this lifetime and have this experience. There is some unfinished business that this person needs to deal with. 

While there is no way for me to know that karma is really the cause, thinking this thought removes any strong reaction that I might have to the situation.  And for that I am very grateful.

Gratitude

It is so easy to buy into the drama that enters our lives, and so much harder to continue finding the place of peace.

Today, my first recourse is to remember the need for gratitude, for where I live which provides a safe refuge, for whom I work with that enables me to continue as I do, for my family and friends who support me which enables me to be who I want to be, and for others who enrich my life in as yet unquantifiable ways…

Centering

Sometimes I feel off-kilter. I know I’m not operating at my best. If someone close by were to nudge me, I might easily lose my balance.

If I focus my attention on my centre, which is the area surrounding my belly button, my mind becomes focused and I feel more balanced. The same nudge would have no effect.

Our navel is the centre of gravity of our body. Its position can indicate sports success or otherwise. Connecting with our navel can be an empowering exercise.

So now when my mind is racing in all directions, I simply move my attention to my navel and feel an immediate release from distractions. Then I am ready to deal with the matter at hand.

Flexibility

My thinking has been too black and white lately. I’ll lock myself into a thought pattern, perhaps from previous times, and have difficulty in veering from that course. Sometimes that thought pattern hasn’t been the best way to go.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) encourages flexibility in interactions. If one way of being isn’t working, change it. If I have always done something in a certain way, then try doing it differently. Perhaps there is a better way.

Situations won't always pan out the way we expect. Accepting this, rather than trying to change it to match our model of the world, is the easier way to go.

Being flexible allows us to go with the flow in situations.  Trying different approaches could give us an equal or better result. Adding shades of grey and even colour lightens and enriches our mind. 

Putting the past behind

How do you put the past behind you? You do exactly that. 

All too often thoughts of the past crowd our mental space. We lose the present moment dwelling on past events. If we can move the past behind us then we’re free to engage with what is happening around us. 

Much has been said of the success enjoyed by athletes and sporting stars when they include visualisation in their training program. Since the mind does not differentiate between what is imagined and what is real, mentally seeing themselves succeeding in their chosen endeavour can translate into reality.

In the same way, mentally moving an image of a past event behind us can reduce emotional stress. When out of view it is harder for the mind to focus on it. The intensity is reduced. And the mind is clear.

Every action has a positive intent

Sometimes people do things that surprise or even annoy me. Was it really necessary to do what they did? What were they thinking?

After my mind settles down, I remember a presupposition taught to me some years ago in a Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) course. “Every action has a positive intent”. So I look for the positive intention behind the behaviour that surprised me. 

We all have different thoughts about what happens around us. Conflict occurs when two people have differing views on a particular thought or event. 

It is tempting to try to change the other person’s mindset so they will agree with us. But this doesn’t always work. An easier path is to look for the positive outcome in their action or thought which then provides a starting point for a constructive dialogue. Even approaching someone with a view to hearing their side of the story can go a long way in helping to ease a potentially difficult situation.

This doesn’t mean that we need to agree with the person. Instead, if we hear them out and let them know our thoughts about the issue then perhaps the best result would be to agree to disagree. But at least both sides have been heard and sometimes that is all that is needed.

Reincarnation

I was in a meditation group in the early 1990’s and one night read a statement in a magazine lying open on the table. It said that if there is an area that you don’t get right this lifetime, you’ll have to come back in another lifetime to try again. This was an interesting thought to me and has made me more conscious of aspects of my life that I’m not quite gelling in.

Reincarnation makes a lot of sense to me. I can’t say that I believe it, because there’s no way of proving that it is real. But whether or not it is the way things work, the concept can be used to explain so much about what happens to us. 

If we meet someone who feels familiar, perhaps there has been a past life connection. What might look like an unfair situation of someone receiving a lot of money leaving the other person penniless might be a karmic payback for a past reversal of fortunes. Phobias of heights, enclosed spaces and snakes could be the result of experiences in past lives.

The concepts of karma and reincarnation can help when we are overcome by strong emotions. If someone is no longer with us and guilt is playing on our mind, we can take comfort in the thought that there might be opportunities in future lifetimes to address any remaining issues.   

It doesn’t matter to me whether reincarnation is real or not. I look for karmic explanations of what is happening around me but generally don’t discuss these explanations with others. Karmic considerations contribute to a more peaceful mind which is what I’m looking for.

Staying Positive

In this world with 24 hour news cycles and ever-increasing working hours along with financial or health worries, it is almost impossible to maintain a positive view on things. If we’re not worrying about how things will pan out in the future, then issues from the past rise up to fill the gap. 

I once heard of someone who cured himself of cancer by booking into a hotel room with a stash of funny movies to watch. He laughed himself to health. I could relate to this method as I have often searched for the funny stories or comedies on TV to sustain me. 

I used to enjoy reading the jokes in the Readers Digest. It was my way of dwelling in a positive moment that I seem to have perpetuated throughout the decades since. Signing up with Amway for a brief time gave me the positive tapes that Amway provided even though their message was mainly about selling Amway. Now my TV viewing focuses on comedies while scanning newspapers always reveals the cartoons. I have even done a brief cartooning course, not that I have produced my first finished piece. 

Whichever method is available to me, I prefer to lean towards the positive. The good news stories might be few and far between, but if we persist in our search we can find the gem that soothes our soul.  

What you think about me is none of my business

What you say or think about me is none of my business.  You might like or dislike me, my behaviour or what I say. It only becomes a problem for me if I hook into a response from you, imagined or real. 

I sometimes hook into drama. If someone makes a comment about me twice or more, I start to question the motive of the comment. 

Someone else believing that I’m doing something the wrong way can test me. Their way is the right way and mine is seen as wrong. Whatever happened to individuality? Have we now become like a herd of cows following others rather than striking out on our own path.

It becomes a marvellous example of how the minutiae of our lives can become a source of drama. Someone believing that a particular task can only be done a certain way might make a passing comment. And after hearing this message more than a few times, I will choose whether to buy into the drama. 

And this is when I need to remind myself that what someone thinks about what I say or do is none of my business. We are each entitled to our own opinions and the determination of something being right or wrong is always a personal choice. Then it becomes a matter of how we respond the next time the topic is raised. 

Sometimes honesty is helpful: “What works for you doesn’t work for me.” Of course, to use this one we might need to explain why it doesn’t work. 

Avoidance helps if the conversation is going around in circles. “I don’t want to talk about this,” can stop the current flow of the conversation although it might end up delaying the inevitable.

Whichever way it is handled, I try to look at how previous interactions have panned out as it is helpful to consider where the person making the comments might be coming from. Perhaps a kind word or a concession might be just what they need at this point in time.